Lord, thank you for all of your word, but today, I am especially moved by 1 Samuel 1, and the prayers and faith shown by Hannah. Her misery was all-consuming, her hopes were few, but she continued to pray. It sounded as though she was fairly harsh with you, as she repeatedly asked you for the same thing – a son – over and over again. I was left with the sense that she may have been annoying to the average listener. But to you, not so.
Lord, Hannah wanted that son and would not stop praying until she got one. And even in relenting to her prayers, you made the solution – ultimately Samuel – much greater than the original problem – Hannah’s barrenness. Her short term suffering led to a long term blessing, not just of Hannah (and her husband and their son, Samuel), but to the whole world.
But what struck me most was Hannah’s persistence. Her consistency in what she wanted and her daily, hourly beseeching you to grant it. She never gave up. Like the woman in the parable who kept going back to the judge for relief, she kept on asking. Does prayer work? It sure does!
Lord, I don’t think I do that. I may have excuses, but the bottom line is that my prayers are all over the place. It is because, at my core, I don’t know what I want. There are things I think I want, such as a successful writing career, but I have done nothing to advance it and I think it’s because I don’t want it very badly. Or I don’t have what it takes to achieve. Maybe these are the same thing.
I know I want the health, safety, and happiness of my family and friends. I want my own health and safety too, but these are secondary to me. Increasingly, I think about my legacy, what I leave behind after I’m gone. As is the case when I attend high school reunions, I bask in the fond memories others have of me. That makes me feel good, so that is probably what I want. But what do I want in this life? Money, respect, comfort? Do I want to simply rest and wait for the end, whenever that is? Am I wasting my time not knowing what my purpose or my principal aim is? After all, without a target, every shot misses – or every shot hits – either way...
Sometimes I hear the advice that I should ‘go big’ with my prayers, because you are a big God, who can accomplish more than I could ever imagine. I have conditioned myself to think that I am being selfish if I ask for much for myself. I have done such a good job of conditioning that I have trouble even thinking of asking for what seem like big, audacious things. I think of things I thought I wanted when I was young – basketball success, business success – and I have always derided myself for not working harder, not having a plan, not having the confidence to pursue the plan and succeed. I had no idea how to achieve those things, and by not asking you, and relying on myself, I guaranteed my underperformance, if not outright failure.
Still, you enabled me, bringing me to my beautiful wife, my amazing children. And before that, my loving parents and my brother, and all the teachers, coaches, friends, neighbors, and others who made my life. All while I was pursuing something I wouldn’t have recognized if I had ever found it. Like UMass Management Professor George Odiorne used to say, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.” I never figured out where I was going, or why.
Lord, I am sure you see that sort of thing all the time, someone starts out in life with fuzzy objectives, fuzzy plans, fuzzy preparation and then wonders after a few years why they haven’t reached the heights they thought they wanted. At the same time, they fail to appreciate what they have achieved. Those are the quiet, sure blessings that you have provided. The things we take for granted, but without which, life would be brutally worse. Family. Health. Shelter. Food. Safety. Ask the people in Israel and Gaza who have lost all those things if their life is going the way they’d hoped.
At the same time, after all these years and after transitioning into something like retirement, I have time to look back and think this through. Hindsight is still not perfect, but some of the right and wrong turns are clearer now ‘in the fullness of time.’
Lord, if I am going to pray for one thing, the thing I want and need the most, it is to have a purpose and to know what that purpose is. I have some vague ideas about encouragement and kindness, two things I think I have been blessed with through my parents and others. I have many limitations, but maybe encouragement and kindness are the loaves and fishes the boy brought to where he listened to Jesus speak. Maybe through the small amount of resources I bring, you can multiply many times to feed many hungry, needy souls.
Or maybe they are like the mustard seed you used as an example of the power of faith.
Lord, if these are hints I am getting, help me to confirm and act on them. If I am kidding myself and pretending to be listening, please redirect me. Although I know you will accomplish your purposes regardless, I want to be involved, to be a means through which you build your kingdom. I want to be helpful. To you and to your people.
Lord, you have blessed me audaciously simply by hearing my prayer. By letting me present it to you. By patiently listening to my rambling, overly wordy treatises. By letting me practice my writing. Thank you for hearing my prayer and for the assurance that you will answer it, either with what I am asking for or something better. This, too, is a blessing.
Lord, help me today to be productive and helpful in whatever work you assign me to do, or that I take on through my own initiative. Let me always prioritize your assignment and fill any remaining time with my stuff. Help me to be steadfastly obedient to you first, last, only.
In the saving, loving name of Jesus I pray, AMEN!
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